What Is Deep Relaxation?
Have you ever realized just how hard it is to relax deeply?
I don’t mean taking a break, zoning out with Netflix or scrolling on your phone in bed. I’m talking about the kind of relaxation that makes you feel like your body has melted away. That makes you feel like you have completely let go of all tension, stress and thoughts, and are left with a feeling of release that is deep in your bones. In my experience, most of us don’t know how to access this.
When I was a young lad (21 years old), looking for ways to let go of my chronic anxiety, I stumbled upon a book in a used book store on total body relaxation that seemed like it had been written in the 1970s. The photos looked like cutouts from a newspaper and the text was often slightly out of line. I took it home, made some tea and sat down on the couch to read.
It was barely a book – maybe 40 pages. It explained the benefits of learning total body relaxation, then went through one exercise. The exercise instructed me to begin at my feet and say ‘my feet are relaxing’, then move to my ankles, do the same thing, and make my way through my body, part by part. It was really hard at first – my mind kept wandering off – and it ended up taking almost an hour! However, after practicing daily for a month I got better and it got easier. It also took less time – I could achieve the same level of relaxation in literally half the time compared to when I started. So I incorporated it regularly into my life and quickly realized many of its amazing benefits (which I discuss further down).
The Simplicity of Deep Relaxation
What was most surprising was that the technique is not complicated. It’s super simple. In fact, I now believe that it iss effective because it is simple. The simple repetition of the same words, and the resulting relaxation response, lull my mind and body into a deeply felt relaxation and calm. And the more often I do it, the longer the calm lasts.
Since becoming a yoga and meditation teacher over 20 years ago, I have tried slightly different approaches to see how they affected my students, such as using suggestions designed to turn off the mind and calm anxiety. If you have listened to any of my guided audio meditations on DoYogaWithMe’s Meditations page, you will already be familiar with them.
Each of my yoga classes would end with a total body relaxation, and frequently a few students would tell me that they did not know that they were able to relax that deeply, and that they felt like a different person! This was deeply rewarding for me, considering that it really did transform my life too. Knowing that I was able to re-establish a new normal for myself – in terms of my level of tension and the activity of my mind and nervous system – I encouraged them to practice at home. Very few did, but those that did, reported greater daily well being.
I was perplexed why so few incorporated it into their daily lives after having such a deeply meaningful, positive experience. A few told me that they preferred my guidance. I understood that, since it is much more difficult to maintain focus on your own. Also, from an early age we are taught to value productivity over rest. Even our downtime is filled with stimulation.
But here’s the truth: deep, parasympathetic relaxation is a skill that is easy to learn and has incredible, lasting benefits. It’s not hard to learn. You don’t need anything. You don’t even need a book teaching you how to do it. You just need time, a quiet space and patience.
Why You Might Resist Relaxation
Here’s something most people don’t talk about: relaxation can feel uncomfortable at first. Especially if you’re used to being on high alert. When your body begins to let go, you might tremble, cry, or feel restless. That’s not failure. That’s release. You’re letting go of tension that your body has been holding for years.
Also, self judgment or societal pressure might get it the way. If you’ve ever thought:
- “Relaxing feels lazy.”
- “I don’t have time for this.”
- “I can’t sit still.”
… that’s just your monkey mind trying to distract you. These are the voices of a survival system that has been overworking (to delve deeper into this topic, check out my article Why Chronic Anxiety Is So Hard to Heal – And What We Can Do About It). That’s why we start small. We meet the nervous system where it’s at. And we build trust.
What Real Relaxation Actually Feels Like
Let’s start here: learning how to relax deeply is not just taking a nap or zoning out in front of the TV.
It’s a full-body shift.
- Your breath deepens without trying.
- Your heartbeat slows.
- Your thoughts quiet down.
- Your jaw unclenches.
- Your belly softens.
- Your body melts.
You feel safe. Grounded. At home in your body.
In this state, you are fully activating the parasympathetic nervous system—your rest-and-digest state. It’s the opposite of fight-or-flight. And it’s where healing, digestion, sleep, and real emotional resilience begin.
But for many of us, especially those living with chronic stress or high-functioning anxiety, that state is hard to access. We’ve been living in a constant low-level buzz of tension for so long, it feels normal.
Why Relaxation Is a Skill
Your body isn’t a machine with an on-off switch. If you’ve been stuck in stress mode, you can’t just tell it to relax. Deep relaxation is something we have to train.
Think of it like a muscle. If you haven’t used it in years, it takes some guidance to rebuild. You need to show your nervous system, over and over, that it’s safe to let go. That it doesn’t have to brace all the time. That’s what most relaxation techniques miss. They offer a momentary break, not a true shift.
When I first began learning how to relax deeply, I was shocked at how difficult it was. I had to learn how to focus my mind, how to slow down, how to let my body settle without feeling restless or guilty. But once it started to click… everything changed.
The Benefits of Deep Relaxation
Here’s what happens in your body when you engage the parasympathetic nervous system through practices like guided relaxation:
- Cortisol (your stress hormone) drops
- Heart rate and blood pressure normalize
- Digestion improves
- Sleep quality increases
- The immune system strengthens
- Anxiety and emotional reactivity decrease
This isn’t just feel-good fluff. It’s biochemistry. It’s nervous system healing at the root.
How to Relax Deeply (Even If You’re Anxious)
You don’t need hours or a retreat center to experience deep relaxation. You just need consistent, guided practice—and the willingness to let it be awkward at first.
Because it can be difficult for the average person to focus, I use four relaxation tools to guide people:
1. Guided Body Scans
Bring awareness to each part of the body, inviting it to release. This trains the mind to focus and the body to soften. Even five minutes can create an internal shift.
2. Breath Awareness
Slow, diaphragmatic breathing signals safety to the brain. Try box breathing to soothe your system quickly (inhale for 4 seconds, hold in 4 seconds, exhale 4 seconds, hold out 4 seconds) .
3. Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Tensing and releasing different muscle groups makes it easier to focus on body sensations, helps discharge stored tension, and teaches the body how to distinguish between stress and ease.
4. Visualization + Sinking Techniques
Using imagery of warm sand, floating in water, or melting into the ground can help the nervous system unhook from alert mode and downshift into rest.
What Changes When You Learn This Skill
When you learn how to relax deeply, everything shifts:
- You become less reactive.
- You sleep more soundly.
- You digest better.
- You stop gripping life so tightly.
- You have more energy.
- You gain access to joy, play and creativity.
Your baseline changes. Instead of living on edge and trying to manage anxiety all day, you start to feel like your body is a place you can actually live in, not just survive inside. This is what I want for you. It doesn’t happen overnight. But it’s possible. And it starts with knowing that relaxation isn’t a bonus at the end of your to-do list. It’s a foundational skill for anxiety relief and long-term well-being.
Your First Step
If you’ve never tried guided relaxation before, start simple.
- Find a quiet space.
- Lie down with a pillow under your knees.
- Take 3 deep breaths.
- Set a timer for 10 minutes and try to relax one part of your body at a time. Or, follow along with one of our guided audio meditations.
And do it again tomorrow. Your nervous system will learn. Your body will remember. And you’ll begin to experience a kind of calm that’s been missing for too long.