Coping with Holiday Anxiety and Family Stress

It’s December 19th, and my wife and I complain about this time of year, every year. It rarely feels like vacation, and we often find ourselves in a whirlwind of activity that we didn’t consciously choose. Buying presents, managing time with friends and family – it’s all fun, but it comes with some added anxiety, stress and pitfalls. Pressures around gift-giving and how full the stockings are. Old dynamics with family. Unspoken expectations.

When things feel overwhelming, are you the person who tries to hold everything together? If that’s you, the holidays often mean more responsibility, not more rest. More emotional labor. More planning. More holding space for others while quietly ignoring your own needs.

A Personal Truth I’ve Learned (the Hard Way)

For many years, I thought my job during the holidays was to push through. To be “easygoing.” To not rock the boat. To override discomfort for the sake of harmony.

What I didn’t realize was that every time I ignored my own signals – tight shoulders, shallow breathing, irritability – I was quietly teaching my nervous system that it wasn’t safe to be honest. Anxiety isn’t just fear. Often, it’s suppressed truth.

When we don’t listen to ourselves, the body speaks louder. To avoid this from happening, and letting my holiday anxiety and family stress get to me, I now have some rules that I try to follow:

Step One: Stop Trying to “Fix” the Anxiety

And stop judging it! This may sound counterintuitive, but it’s essential. Anxiety during the holidays isn’t a problem to eliminate. It’s information.

It’s your nervous system saying: “This feels like too much.”

Instead of asking:

• How do I get rid of this feeling?

Try asking:

• What is this feeling asking for?

Often the answer is surprisingly simple:

• Slower pace
• Clearer boundaries
• Less obligation
• More rest
• Emotional honesty

Anxiety softens when it feels heard.

Step Two: Create Micro-Boundaries (You Don’t Need Big Declarations)

Many people think boundaries require confrontation or explanation. They don’t.

Boundaries can be quiet, internal decisions, such as:

• Leaving earlier than usual
• Skipping one event instead of going to all of them
• Saying “I’ll think about it” instead of “yes”
• Taking a walk alone after a family meal
• Choosing not to engage in a familiar argument
• Do a DoYogaWithMe yoga class or guided meditation (many are super short if you don’t have much time!)

Especially if you’re the one who feels like you’re holding everything together, boundaries aren’t about pushing people away—they’re about protecting your nervous system so you can stay present without resentment. You’re allowed to choose sustainability over perfection.

Step Three: Use Your Breath—But Gently

I find that the root cause of my heightened anxiety is often about feeling, or not feeling, safe. And I’m not talking about the kind of safety where your life is threatened. I mean emotional safety. An ‘unsafe’ feeling that has been learned. A simple phrase to counter that can be surprisingly effective in the moment. I like to say something that feels like I’m unconditionally supporting the part of myself that feels unsafe (I imagine it to be the 8-year old version of myself). I say to that little guy ‘I’ve got you’, or ‘I’m here with you’ and I imagine holding him with love.

Here’s a simple practice that I use anytime, even during family gatherings, even while I’m sitting at the table:

1. Inhale gently through the nose for 4 seconds
2. Exhale slowly through the mouth for 6 seconds
3. During the exhale, say your phrase and let your body relax and feel the effects
4. Repeat as many times as you like

The important thing is that you don’t need to disappear into a meditation room. I mean, you can if you need to (that’s a pretty reasonable micro-boundary). But the point is that you can regulate your nervous system right where you are.

(However, when you have more time, you can practice deepening and slowing down your breath by listening to one of our Rhythmic Breath audio tracks.

Step Four: Normalize Mixed Emotions

One of the biggest sources of holiday anxiety is the belief that we’re supposed to feel a certain way: Joyful, grateful, connected. But human emotions don’t work on schedules.

You can love your family and feel overwhelmed. You can enjoy moments and feel grief. You can be grateful and exhausted. Mixed emotions don’t mean something is wrong. They mean you’re being honest.

Anxiety lessens when we stop arguing with our emotional reality.

Step Five: Redefine “Success” for the Holidays

This one is crucial.

What if a successful holiday season wasn’t about:

• Perfect meals
• Everyone getting along
• Meeting every expectation

What if success looked like:

• Getting enough sleep
• Feeling less resentful
• Listening to your body
• Saying one honest “no”
• Feeling even 10% more at ease

Small wins matter. Your nervous system doesn’t need a perfect holiday—it needs a manageable one.

A Gentle Reminder

If you’re the one who:

• Holds everyone else together
• Anticipates others’ needs
• Keeps things running smoothly

Please hear this: Your nervous system deserves care too. You don’t have to earn rest by being depleted. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself for connection. And you don’t have to wait until January to breathe again.

Sometimes the most radical holiday practice is this: Letting yourself matter.

Do This Before You Go

Place one hand on your chest. Take a slow breath in. Let it out gently.

Ask yourself: What do I need most this season? Not what’s expected of you. Not what would keep the peace. But what would help you feel more at home in yourself.

That answer is worth listening to. And if anxiety shows up anyway? Meet it with kindness. It’s been trying to protect you all along.