I know you’ve likely felt the friction between human connection and digital overload—the way endless notifications, curated feeds, and quick dopamine hits can leave you feeling flat, anxious, and disconnected from yourself.
I have felt this way since getting my first iphone over a decade ago. A couple of weeks ago, I discovered Jaron Lanier’s You Are Not a Gadget, and it seemed to encapsulate many of the feelings I had developed toward this new, miraculous device. It was a difficult read for me—I often felt lost in amongst the tech language and references—but I understood enough to realize that his intention, when he wrote it, was to a wake us up to how our devices shape not just what we do, but who we are, how we feel, and even how we breathe.
Because it is literally impossible for most people not to interact with the digital world on a daily basis, we are all inevitably being manipulated through social engineering. That is simply a fact. Everything you do online is being manipulated. This is crucially important to understand, especially for someone living with chronic anxiety.
Algorithms Aren’t Neutral—they Shape You
Social media platforms, search engines, and endless scrolling don’t simply reflect your interests. They actively learn your patterns and steer you toward loops of short-term engagement.
For someone with anxiety, that unnerving pull toward new content—just one more scroll, another hit—can be a recipe for chronic overstimulation. That agitation doesn’t just stay in your phone. It echoes in your body, fueling fight-or-flight, shortening your breath, tensing your shoulders, and looping your thoughts.
Lanier says:
“We are being programmed by the digital feedback loops.”
If that sounds familiar, you’re not imagining it. Anxiety loves environments that feed it more and more. And it is in those environments that we find it so hard to be present and mindful of our choices, thoughts and feelings. In other words, it’s easy to ‘lose ourselves’ in digital media.
Human Connection in a Digital World
Our online lives replace direct, raw, vulnerable, unpredictable human contact with digital, manipulated, mechanical patterns of sharing and reacting. Think about how your phone interactions differ from face-to-face. In my experience, I feel somewhat less exposed and less vulnerable online. It also inherently feels less thoughtful and more shallow. I feel safer, but more lonely and less understood. Lacking real human connection makes my heart feel empty because I’m lacking all of the qualities that embody true human-to-human interaction. And sadly, this can help define who you are and who you become. Lanier says,“When you live through your digital self, that self becomes who you are.”
And we know that vulnerability grounds us. In real life, connection with another person—seeing their eyes, hearing their tone, letting your breath align—grounds your nervous system. Online? Nope.
It’s Easier to Hide—and That Feeds the Anxiety Cycle
I know what you’re thinking—it’s so much easier interacting online. You don’t have to deal with the crap that other humans bring to your life. You don’t have to deal with social anxiety. You don’t need to deal with the discomfort of vulnerability. You can choose to interact when you want to. And you get enough from it to satisfy your needs.
But is it really that satisfying? And what part of you feels satisfied? When the world becomes a place we interact with through screens, we start to hide parts of ourselves—our vulnerability, our wobble, our real breath—our true selves. As we shrink into digital masks, we lose our capacity for authentic engagement.
And there’s a deeply human cost to that. Because ironically, it isn’t shame or fear keeping us small—it’s fatigue.
When your nervous system is constantly scanning for social approval, judging your feed, worrying about your own worth—you’re exhausting your capacity for safety. Anxiety grows in that tension. Without human connection to mirror back, you lose faith in connection full-stop—and that perpetuates the spiral.
Bytes Turn into Bites—The Fragmentation of Attention
Text, video clips, stories, tweets… digital interaction turns into constant micro‑interruptions. Our attention isn’t just fragmented—it’s calibrated, optimized, even commodified. Your mind—naturally built for deeper connection—gets hijacked into skimming, scrolling, multitasking. That keeps your nervous system activated and wired for stimulation.
But relief comes with doing less and focusing more—keeping things simple. If you slow down, notice your breath and give your mind space—you are naturally reversing that. It’s anti-fragmentation. Doing less (and even, as I recommend in my programs for anxiety relief, doing nothing for 5 or 10 minutes) begins to reset the nervous system, recalibrating your baseline from chaos to curiosity. (Regarding ‘doing nothing’, I find it an interesting experiment to see if I can stop what I’m doing, find a comfortable place and see what it feels like to ‘do nothing’. It’s less about achieving it and more about seeing what comes up for you when you try).
Reclaim Your Full Humanity
We are not lines of code We are creative, unpredictable, vulnerable, messy creatures with massive emotional range. It’s okay to be messy. It’s okay to take more time. It’s rewarding to connect deeply with another human being.
That’s exactly what many anxiety-resilient practices—like slow breath or somatic movement—help restore in your system. They train your body to re-remember what it feels like to be human in real time.
So What Can You Do?
Have a look at the table below. Very few of us can completely severe or connection to the digital world, but we certainly can do things to minimize it!
| Message | What It Means for You | How to Practice It |
|---|---|---|
| Algorithms prioritize overstimulation. | You deserve a calmer baseline. | Limit scroll time. Set a timer when you start scrolling. Put your phone out of site in the evening and overnight. |
| Digital connection lacks nuance. | Human presence matters. | Commit to one real connection every day (evening call, coffee) without your phone. |
| Hiding vulnerabilities exhausts you. | Authentic connection grounds you. | Share a small truth with a trusted person (each week?). |
| Your attention is shrunk. | Reclaim your cognitive edge. | Read a printed book. Write with pen and paper. Meditate for 10+ minutes daily. |
| You are more than a profile. | Reclaim your humanity. | Do things that feel a little risque. Practice somatic movement—yoga, dance, shaking—for 5 minutes daily. |
Choose Ease Over Anxiety
No matter how you feel, you are more than your anxiety. You’re also someone who wakes up and can choose to breathe, reset, choose connection, and strives for moments that matter. When our culture trains us to live through screens, our systems never get to train for something bigger than scrolling—they never learn ease.
And ease? It’s not luxury. It’s neuroplasticity. It’s resilience. You’re in a culture that locks you in fight-or-flight. Choose awareness! Give yourself permission to let go, breathe, connect and find ease.
Mindful Digital Detox Practices
- Start your day without a device for the first 20 minutes. See if you can simply be with your thoughts and sensations while your coffee warms—no inbox asking for your attention.
- Pick two more digital-free moments per day—take 20 minutes to walk, stretch, listen to music or do a breath practice. Heck, spend sometime intentionally loving yourself! (Why not?) Put your hand on your heart. Feed yourself self-love. Let your nervous system know that you are loved and you belong.
- Spend 5-10 minutes to reflect on your experience every day: At the end of the day, write down how it felt to not immediately reach for your phone. Did your breath deepen? Was there resistance?
- Go Big! Commit to spending an hour each day exploring your mind and body, learning how to relax deeply and how to stay more mindful and at ease throughout the day. Check out my article How to Relax Deeply (And Why It Can Be Hard to Do) or try some of our free guided meditations on DoYogaWithMe.
These small exercises begin to push back against the feedback loops that our digital interactions are programming within us.
Final Thoughts – How to Be Well in the Digital Age
Anyone who tells you to live your life online is asking you to shrink. You are more than a feed. More than a scroll. More than a notification. You’re a human being, with a body, breath, stories, and the right to live beyond highlight reels.
If compensating with curiosity, life, and reconnection scares you—good. It means you’re waking up. Give yourself permission today to unplug for a moment… and tune into what happens next.
Here’s to reclaiming the spaces where you can relax deeply—in your body, in your day, and in your life.