When Your Thoughts Become You and What To Do About It

I did a 10-day silent meditation retreat for the first time when I was 27. We would wake up at 4am to sit for our first 2-hour meditation at 4:30am, every day. And the first thing I noticed, after a couple of days, was that my mind never stopped! From the moment I woke up until I fell asleep, my brain contained a constant stream of thoughts, most of them repetitive and many of them negative – “Am I doing this right?” “Why did I say that to my friend last week?” “Shouldn’t I be eating better?”

For years, I didn’t realize just how much of my day—so much of my life—was governed by negative thought patterns like these. They were like background music: always playing, barely noticed, but constantly affecting my mood, my confidence, and how I interacted with the world.

It wasn’t until I started meditating regularly that I began to realize how much these thoughts shaped me. Not just what I thought—but who I thought I was.

Our Thoughts Hijack Our Mind

This idea isn’t new, but it’s powerful. You are not your thoughts, and yet, when left unchecked, those thoughts have the power to define how you see yourself, how you feel in your body, and what you believe is possible. The mind has a way of convincing us that its commentary is truth. But most of our thoughts are just habits—cognitive behavioral habits we’ve picked up over time, often shaped by fear, shame, or past experiences.

A 2016 Nature Scientific Reports study co-authored by Sam Harris examined how people cling to deeply held beliefs by default—and how emotion, not reason, often reinforces them. They found that thoughts come with heavy emotional baggage—and we often believe them without questioning. That’s why the phrase “When your thoughts become you” feels so real. We often cannot tell where we end and our thoughts begin.

If you’re dealing with anxiety and overthinking, these thoughts might be running your life without your permission. And it’s not your fault. It’s what minds do. But once you see the pattern, you can change it.

How Thoughts Affect Feelings

When you think a thought—like “I’m not good enough”—it’s not just mental. It’s physical. Your nervous system tightens. Your shoulders hunch. Your breath shallows. Your body prepares for rejection or failure.

The more you think that thought, the more your body memorizes it. Soon, it becomes your baseline. That’s why so many people live in a low-grade hum of stress: their bodies are constantly bracing, even when there’s nothing wrong.

This is the trap of unconscious thought loops. And it’s a key driver of chronic anxiety, and can result in:

• Constant worry: Anxiety morphs into identity. You are anxious.
• Emotional fatigue: You expend energy reacting to every thought.
• Nervous system overdrive: Stress hormones flow as if you’re in real danger.
• Hindered presence: It becomes nearly impossible to be here—right now.

Imagine scrolling through 24-hour news and believing every alert. It’s self-fulfilling – your thoughts feed more thoughts, and you forget how to step off that treadmill.

Science Supports the Link Between Thought and Feeling

A 2016 study published in Scientific Reports (Nature.com) found that certain types of repetitive negative thinking are linked to increased risk for depression and anxiety disorders. Researchers observed that people who habitually ruminated on past or future events experienced more psychological distress—and even changes in brain structure and function.

Another study in Cognitive Therapy and Research highlighted how self-critical thoughts can lower mood and increase the risk of anxiety-related behaviors. The research showed that those who practiced noticing and disengaging from these thoughts—through mindfulness or cognitive defusion—experienced relief.

In short, your thoughts create emotional realities. But the good news? You can learn to change them. Through meditation and mindfulness, you can observe your thoughts—not fuse with them. Once you are able to separate your self from your thoughts, you won’t get emotionally attached to the content and you can easily let them go. You can say “I am having a thought” rather than “I am that thought,” and something shifts. The hold loosens.

Also, scientists like Goleman and Davidson, in Altered Traits, have shown that meditation rewires brain structures—decreasing default-mode network activation (the rumination hub) and bolstering emotional regulation. If that academic language is too much—just know: practices exist that free you from believing every thought.

Why It’s So Hard to Change What We Believe—Even When It Hurts

One of the most frustrating things about working with anxiety is realizing that you know your thoughts aren’t serving you… but they still feel true. Even when your inner critic is clearly hurting you, even when the story you’re telling yourself is full of fear or shame or unworthiness—there’s a part of you that clings to it.

Why?

Because your beliefs aren’t just thoughts. They’re survival strategies.

From an early age, we build mental frameworks to help us make sense of the world. And if you grew up with any kind of unpredictability, pressure, or pain, you likely developed beliefs that helped you feel safe—even if those beliefs were limiting or harsh.

For example, maybe it felt safer to believe:

• “If I’m hard on myself, I’ll stay motivated.”
• “If I expect the worst, I won’t be disappointed.”
• “If I keep people at arm’s length, I won’t get hurt.”

These stories might have protected you in the past. But over time, they calcify. They become part of the lens through which you see everything—even yourself. And because they worked at some point (or seemed to), your nervous system keeps reinforcing them, again and again.

Changing your belief system isn’t just about thinking new thoughts. It’s about unlearning protection patterns. It’s about creating a new sense of safety in the body—so it no longer needs the old story to survive.

This is why I focus so much on body-based healing in my work. Because when you begin to feel safe, grounded, and connected in your body, you start to see those beliefs for what they are: outdated survival maps. And you can begin to replace them—not with forced affirmations, but with embodied experiences of truth, compassion, and possibility.

That’s when transformation begins.

A Practice to Try

If you’ve been caught in self-critical thoughts, or if you feel like your beliefs are stuck on repeat, try this practice:

1. Notice the thought. Pause and simply label it: “This is a thought.”
2. Feel your body. Where do you sense tension or contraction?
3. Name the emotion. Fear? Shame? Guilt? Get curious.
4. Offer kindness. Place your hand on your heart. Whisper, “You’re safe. You’re doing your best.”

Do this once a day. Do it once an hour. Try to do it so regularly that it becomes second nature!

(Seriously, the way to break this pattern is to establish a new one. Commit to practicing meditation every day for at least 20 minutes, more if possible. Don’t think of this as work – be curious about it, learn how to be watchful and how to not become emotionally attached to the endless stream of thoughts. What I like to do is a practice I call ‘doing nothing’. I sit or lie down in a room by myself and repeatedly ask myself ‘How do I do nothing? How do I do nothing?’, and after each question I feel the effects of it in my body. I don’t think about an answer, I feel it. I feel how my body responds to it. If you practice this on a regular basis, over time you’ll begin to loosen the grip that old thoughts have on you.)

More Tools to Help You Step Back

Here are a few other ways to start disentangling from your mind:

1. Mindful meditation – Even 5 minutes: notice your thoughts as passing events. Try this 3-part guided mindfulness series.
2. Journaling – Write down what’s running on loop—and ask if it’s actually true.
3. Guided audio tools – Use a practiced voice (like mine) to hold space when attention drifts.

These aren’t quick fixes. But every moment you choose observer, not participant, is a moment you reclaim freedom.

Final Thoughts: Healing Anxiety from Within

We all want to feel better. But true relief doesn’t come from avoiding our thoughts. It comes from changing our relationship with them—and with ourselves.

When you learn to recognize negative thought patterns, when you begin to question the belief system and anxiety loop you’ve been caught in, when you support your body with grounding and kindness—you start to change. And when you change your thoughts? You start to change your life.

Six years ago, I recorded a series of three guided meditations to teach people, like you, to do this. I called the album Guided Meditations for Stress, Anxiety and Depression and they are free on doyogawithme.com, in the Meditations section (under ‘Practice). If you’re ready to go deeper, explore more practices, and get support on this journey, I’ve got a lot tools. Check out my Free Resources and my Online Programs. Let’s start untangling the knots—together.